So, I bought a collection of exotic, taxidermy beetles because I thought it would be a fantastic idea to cast them in sterling silver, set them with stones and turn them into fabulous head dresses and accessories for my dolls, but the problem is that now that I have it, I can't bring myself to harvest the parts I need. No, not because they are beautiful, which they certainly are, but because they gross me out. I'm scared to touch them.And dear god, do they smell bad. Especially after I opened the sealed box. I don't know what repulses me more: the thought of having to dismember them or the nauseating stench they emit. And I can't figure out if it's formaldehyde I'm smelling or decomposition of their fat, juicy beetle intestines. I know they are supposed to be emptied out for preservation, but I do not want to cut into one and find out otherwise.
I didn't think it would be this hard for me to do this. I just assumed that my excitement over making beautiful objects from muli-legged creatures' body parts would automatically override my fear of dismembering them. Well, that hasn't happened yet. Every day for the past two weeks I've been trying to get used to the idea. A couple of times a day i get a glass of water or occasionally, a beer, sit down in my arm chair across from the display case and look at it for fifteen minutes like it's a staring contest. So far, the bugs are winning it. When I work at my desk, the case is directly behind me and countless times during the day I suddenly inerrupt my work flow, swing around in my chair, put my feet up on my desk and look at it some more with a withering stare. As if i'm trying to catch it off gurard or something. Just sit there and look at my dead, gaint insects while imagining beautiful crowns with scorpion pincers and beetle legs.I'm not even really sure of what exactly I'm going to make with them. I know it will come when I'm working. I have a sixth sense about that stuff. I just need to start working with them.
I've decided to take this to my friend/casting technician, Ryan, to help me dismember these beetles. There is strength in numbers. Worst case scenario is that Ryan will freak out even more than me and then I will feel like the brave one and my squeamishness will disappear.It's got to get done. I can't let my fear get in the way of art. I will have to get over myself. And that's it and that's that.
ENCHANTED DOLL Marina Bychkova